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HOW TO APPEAR A VIP
Afternoon Dispatch & Courier
http://www.cybernoon.com/DisplayArticle.as p?section=fromthepress&subsection=editorials&a mp;xfile=August2007_malice_standard202&child=m alice
Aug 21 2007
India
A satirical view at what VIPs and other dignified personalities do
to appear their dignified selves
--Select--NewsSportsDiaryEditorialsIn MumbaiOpinionsSpecial
ReportLakme Fashion WeekThe Uppercrust ShowSpecial SectionBooksFilm
ReviewBusiness22nd AnniversaryMelody SaloonAfternoon BuffetHealth
CheckBusiness ExtraWoman's ExtraBombay FirstShow BuzzCelebrity
InterviewsArt AttackGuest ColumnStray ThoughtsA MotherRound
and AboutBooksEating OutPoliticsInternet HumourTarotscopeAsit
ChandmalDr.Shirin WadiaMehraboon Irani for :
The desire to appear more important than one is universal. The
Dilliwala hawker who sold chholey-bhatoorey made a killing by means
yet to be established. His trade could not possibly have earned him
enough to buy and maintain a fleet of 17 limousines. He must have known
he could ride on only one at a time. So he had to devise means to tell
the world he was a VIP. I have no doubt he would have liked to fly the
tri-colour in front of his car and have a red or blue light flashing
on the bonnet. Since neither option was available to him, he went
for the third: a distinguished number plate like 0001 or 2 or 3. He
managed to wangle them for his cars. Now the envious world has turned
against him; they are calling him an upstart and baying for his blood.
My father also loved new cars and fancy number plates. It took him
many years to make enough money to have three or four cars. Since he
was also an honorary magistrate and at the time there were few cars
on Delhi roads, his munshi was able to get change numbers for them.
The head clerk decided to have fun at my poor father's expense. For
one car he allotted number DLH 10; for another DLH 420. It took my
father some days to realize what the two numbers stood for.
I also know about two numbers of the heaven-born Indian Civil Service
posted successively as Deputy Commissioners of Ambala, then a part
of Punjab. One allotted his car No. PBA 1. When he was transferred
to Chandigarh, his successor wrote to him to surrender the number so
that he could take it for himself. The man refused to do so.
Regardless of the refusal the successor allotted him the same number.
So at a conference of senior civil servants in Chandigarh two cars
with exactly the same number plates PBA 1 were seen parked alongside.
Believe it or not, but it is absolutely true, God himself tried to have
fun at the expense of these two arrogant officers. Over the week-end
they went off for breaks: one to Shimla, the other to Kasauli. On
their way back the cars collided near the gate of a police station
at Dharampur. There was exchange of hot words, but neither was in a
position to lodge a complaint against the other.
The Smiths of Agra and Delhi No one will dispute that when it comes
to writing on monuments of Delhi, known, like known or unknown, no
one does a better job than R.V. Smith. He not only tells you their
history but also of legends attached to them. So do Akhilesh Mittal
and Rakshanda Jalil. R.V. Smith is more prolific; his articles appear
in just about every English paper in the country. I often wondered
from where he gets all the information and inspiration. Now I know
the answer: it is in his blood; he inherited it from his father Thomas
Smith (1910-1995) of Agra.
The Smiths were soldiers of fortune serving in armies of warlords
willing to pay them well. Thomas Smith's father Colonel Salvador Smith
(1784-1871) was a Commander in the army of Daulat Rao Scindia.
Thomas also started life as a soldier but was persuaded by a family
friend Nawab Faiyaz Khan Sherwani to take over as local correspondent
for The Statesman of Calcutta. Thomas readily agreed to replace his
musket for the pen. Among the celebrated cases he reported was of his
English predecessor Fred Ellis who was involved in a brawl with one
B.D. Gupta at a meeting of the Agra Cantonment Board. Gupta lost his
temper and hit the Englishman three times with his chappal. The case
was heard by subordinate Magistrate popularly known as Ghanta Babu:
he used to have a gong struck whenever a case was called before him.
Ghanta Babu convicted Gupta for the offence of hitting a man of
the ruling race not once or twice but three times. Gupta went in
appeal to Allahabad High Court. The Hon'ble Judge passed strictures
on Ghanta Babu saying he was not fit to be a magistrate but the syce
of a British officer.
Thomas Smith was a versatile man. Besides his mother tongue English,
(he was Anglo-Indian) he knew Urdu, Persian and Hindi. During his
leisure hours he cycled round Agra ruins in his short-sleeved skirt,
khaki shorts and solar topee on his head picking up information on
monuments he visited. In the evening he dressed in kurta-pyjama to
attend mushairas and kavi sammelans. He often visited Delhi. During
World War II he interviewed Pandit Nehru, M.A. Jinnah and the Mufti
of Jerusalem. In sixty years of journalism, besides representing The
Statesman, Thomas Smith edited Globe Magazine, The Agra Citizen and
Agra Citizen and Agra Times as well as reported for Reuters. He also
worked for The Times of India, The Pioneer and The Hindustan Times.
His son R.V.S. published his Rambles and Recollections of Thomas Smith.
Thomas Smith married an Armenian lady Ruby Irene, who gave him
seven children - four sons and three daughters. She died in 1989;
her husband followed her six years later. Both are buried in Agra.
Natwar Speak
Who says I am a discredited leader?
Who says Oil-For-Food Deal was sinister?
I am admired here and abroad What though I am no longer a Foreign
Minister!
No doubt Congress has disowned me But I know the diplomatic art.
Though I am a Maharaja's son-in-law I claim to have a socialist heart.
I hobnobbed with Mulayam Singh Yadav And helped him at Polling juncture
It is a different matter on the way to victory His cycle sustained
a grievous puncture!
To tease and taunt the Congress Party For President's post I proposed
Bhairon Singh's name Why should you blame me if he suffered A severe
defeat in this prestigious game?
Afternoon Dispatch & Courier
http://www.cybernoon.com/DisplayArticle.as p?section=fromthepress&subsection=editorials&a mp;xfile=August2007_malice_standard202&child=m alice
Aug 21 2007
India
A satirical view at what VIPs and other dignified personalities do
to appear their dignified selves
--Select--NewsSportsDiaryEditorialsIn MumbaiOpinionsSpecial
ReportLakme Fashion WeekThe Uppercrust ShowSpecial SectionBooksFilm
ReviewBusiness22nd AnniversaryMelody SaloonAfternoon BuffetHealth
CheckBusiness ExtraWoman's ExtraBombay FirstShow BuzzCelebrity
InterviewsArt AttackGuest ColumnStray ThoughtsA MotherRound
and AboutBooksEating OutPoliticsInternet HumourTarotscopeAsit
ChandmalDr.Shirin WadiaMehraboon Irani for :
The desire to appear more important than one is universal. The
Dilliwala hawker who sold chholey-bhatoorey made a killing by means
yet to be established. His trade could not possibly have earned him
enough to buy and maintain a fleet of 17 limousines. He must have known
he could ride on only one at a time. So he had to devise means to tell
the world he was a VIP. I have no doubt he would have liked to fly the
tri-colour in front of his car and have a red or blue light flashing
on the bonnet. Since neither option was available to him, he went
for the third: a distinguished number plate like 0001 or 2 or 3. He
managed to wangle them for his cars. Now the envious world has turned
against him; they are calling him an upstart and baying for his blood.
My father also loved new cars and fancy number plates. It took him
many years to make enough money to have three or four cars. Since he
was also an honorary magistrate and at the time there were few cars
on Delhi roads, his munshi was able to get change numbers for them.
The head clerk decided to have fun at my poor father's expense. For
one car he allotted number DLH 10; for another DLH 420. It took my
father some days to realize what the two numbers stood for.
I also know about two numbers of the heaven-born Indian Civil Service
posted successively as Deputy Commissioners of Ambala, then a part
of Punjab. One allotted his car No. PBA 1. When he was transferred
to Chandigarh, his successor wrote to him to surrender the number so
that he could take it for himself. The man refused to do so.
Regardless of the refusal the successor allotted him the same number.
So at a conference of senior civil servants in Chandigarh two cars
with exactly the same number plates PBA 1 were seen parked alongside.
Believe it or not, but it is absolutely true, God himself tried to have
fun at the expense of these two arrogant officers. Over the week-end
they went off for breaks: one to Shimla, the other to Kasauli. On
their way back the cars collided near the gate of a police station
at Dharampur. There was exchange of hot words, but neither was in a
position to lodge a complaint against the other.
The Smiths of Agra and Delhi No one will dispute that when it comes
to writing on monuments of Delhi, known, like known or unknown, no
one does a better job than R.V. Smith. He not only tells you their
history but also of legends attached to them. So do Akhilesh Mittal
and Rakshanda Jalil. R.V. Smith is more prolific; his articles appear
in just about every English paper in the country. I often wondered
from where he gets all the information and inspiration. Now I know
the answer: it is in his blood; he inherited it from his father Thomas
Smith (1910-1995) of Agra.
The Smiths were soldiers of fortune serving in armies of warlords
willing to pay them well. Thomas Smith's father Colonel Salvador Smith
(1784-1871) was a Commander in the army of Daulat Rao Scindia.
Thomas also started life as a soldier but was persuaded by a family
friend Nawab Faiyaz Khan Sherwani to take over as local correspondent
for The Statesman of Calcutta. Thomas readily agreed to replace his
musket for the pen. Among the celebrated cases he reported was of his
English predecessor Fred Ellis who was involved in a brawl with one
B.D. Gupta at a meeting of the Agra Cantonment Board. Gupta lost his
temper and hit the Englishman three times with his chappal. The case
was heard by subordinate Magistrate popularly known as Ghanta Babu:
he used to have a gong struck whenever a case was called before him.
Ghanta Babu convicted Gupta for the offence of hitting a man of
the ruling race not once or twice but three times. Gupta went in
appeal to Allahabad High Court. The Hon'ble Judge passed strictures
on Ghanta Babu saying he was not fit to be a magistrate but the syce
of a British officer.
Thomas Smith was a versatile man. Besides his mother tongue English,
(he was Anglo-Indian) he knew Urdu, Persian and Hindi. During his
leisure hours he cycled round Agra ruins in his short-sleeved skirt,
khaki shorts and solar topee on his head picking up information on
monuments he visited. In the evening he dressed in kurta-pyjama to
attend mushairas and kavi sammelans. He often visited Delhi. During
World War II he interviewed Pandit Nehru, M.A. Jinnah and the Mufti
of Jerusalem. In sixty years of journalism, besides representing The
Statesman, Thomas Smith edited Globe Magazine, The Agra Citizen and
Agra Citizen and Agra Times as well as reported for Reuters. He also
worked for The Times of India, The Pioneer and The Hindustan Times.
His son R.V.S. published his Rambles and Recollections of Thomas Smith.
Thomas Smith married an Armenian lady Ruby Irene, who gave him
seven children - four sons and three daughters. She died in 1989;
her husband followed her six years later. Both are buried in Agra.
Natwar Speak
Who says I am a discredited leader?
Who says Oil-For-Food Deal was sinister?
I am admired here and abroad What though I am no longer a Foreign
Minister!
No doubt Congress has disowned me But I know the diplomatic art.
Though I am a Maharaja's son-in-law I claim to have a socialist heart.
I hobnobbed with Mulayam Singh Yadav And helped him at Polling juncture
It is a different matter on the way to victory His cycle sustained
a grievous puncture!
To tease and taunt the Congress Party For President's post I proposed
Bhairon Singh's name Why should you blame me if he suffered A severe
defeat in this prestigious game?