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  • Before VCRs, There Was Armenian Radio

    The Moscow Times
    Friday, July 2, 2004. Page 8.

    Before VCRs, There Was Armenian Radio

    By Michele A. Berdy
    Армянское радио спрашиают: A question for Armenian radio (the opening line
    in a series of Soviet-era jokes).

    A guy walks into a bar ... ." As soon as Americans hear these words, they get
    ready for a laugh (or at least a joke). For Russians, getting ready to hear
    or tell a joke is one of the greatest pleasures of the culture. In the bad
    old days, before VCRs, multiplex cinemas, fitness clubs and other
    recreational diversions, an entertaining evening was spent with friends
    sitting in the kitchen, talking about life, and, if there was a good
    joke-teller (рассказчик) in the crowd, laughing to the point of tears over
    the latest joke (анекдот).

    Jokes are miserable (and sometimes impossible) to translate, and can be hard
    even to understand. Since there's nothing worse than sitting with a blank
    expression while your friends roar with laughter, here's a short guide to
    some of the standard personages that populate Russian jokes.

    Many Russian jokes are based on recognizable ethnic or religious
    stereotypes: the rich Georgian (of Soviet times, now replaced by the New
    Russian), the slow-witted Estonian (горячий эстонский парень -- hot-blooded
    Estonian), the greedy and slovenly Ukrainian. In one series, a Frenchman, an
    American, a German and a Russian (or sometimes a Jew, Englishman or
    Ukrainian) find themselves in some situation where their various national
    characteristics come to light.

    In the Russian tradition, Чукча (Chukcha, from the Far East region of
    Chukotka) is equivalent to the "dumb Pollack" -- definitely not politically
    correct in any language. Speaking in broken Russian, he finds himself in
    Moscow, far from the taiga, puzzled by modern civilization. In one joke, he
    is riding a tram. одитель: Следующая останока -- 8-го Марта. Чукча: А
    раньше никак нельзя? (Conductor: Next stop -- 8th of March. Chukcha: Is
    there no way we can stop any earlier?)

    Jokes about the ноый русский (the New Russian) have petered out (probably
    because they're just not funny anymore), but during the peak period of New
    Russian jokes in the '90s, it seemed a week didn't go by without a new
    variation. New Russians are dim-witted, dedicated to shows of affluence, and
    eager to spend as much money as they can. Да ноых русских стречаются.
    Один показыает другому ноый галстук. "Только что купил за $3,000." "Дурак!
    Можно было купить за углом за $4,000!" (Two New Russians meet. One shows the
    other his new tie. "I bought it for $3,000." "You idiot! You could have
    bought it around the corner for $4,000!")

    In the late '90s, there were also a series of gruesome jokes connected with
    contract killings. Да киллера сидят подъезде, ждут бизнесмена. Ждут час,
    да, три ... друг один гоорит, "Слушай, я начинаю олноаться. Не
    случилось ли что-нибудь?" (Two hit men are waiting in an apartment building
    entryway for a businessman. They wait an hour, two hours, three. Finally one
    says to the other, "Hey, I'm getting worried. Do you think something
    happened to him?")

    My favorite series of the Soviet period were "questions to Armenian Radio."
    These appeared in the 1960s, apparently the continuation of армянские
    загадки (literally "Armenian riddles," something like knock-knock jokes).
    There were many themes (including those playing on the competitive relations
    between Georgians and Armenians), but the most famous are the anti-Soviet
    jokes. Армянское радио спрашиают: Можно ли построить коммунизм Армении?
    Можно, но лучше сначала Грузии. (A question for Armenian radio: Can
    communism be built in Armenia? Yes, but it would be better to do it in
    Georgia first.) Армянское радио спрашиают: Можно ли построить коммунизм?
    Да, можно -- но ыжить при нём -- нельзя. (A question for Armenian radio:
    Can communism be built? Yes, it can -- but no one can survive it.) Or the
    all-time classic: Какой самый короткий анекдот? Отет: Коммунизм. (What's
    the shortest joke? Answer: Communism.)

    In the bad old days, that always got a laugh.


    Michele A. Berdy is a Moscow-based translator.
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