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TURKISH CHILLI SOLUTIONS TO TURKISH PROBLEMS
Journal of Turkish Weekly
Feb 8 2007
I am an optimist. Yes, everything may go horribly wrong, but still
there are plentiful reasons to cheer up. It is always helpful to start
solving problems by thinking that the glass is half full rather than
saying glass is half empty.
Realistically, the prospects for Turkey are not very bright. Cyprus,
Armenians, Dink Murder, Northern Iraq, Ajdar (our megahyperwhatever
popstar see it yourself), football terror and last but not least
climate change are all messing up our hopeful foresights.
But as a Turk, it is hard to beat me. I survive when they think I am
finished. Even sitting silent, I can dream a thousand Vienna sieges.
Do not panic, it is just a joke.
So starting from the bottom of the list, climate change, these are
my solution scenarios.
The first priority is global warming because I want to make sure that
human survival is not at stake, so I and other Turks, Armenians and
Greeks can enjoy another millennium of collective hostility.
Before developing my own solution, I made a quick research on the
net for what to be done. From what I understood so far, we have to
make personal sacrifices to stop global warming.
Some rich columnists promise to give up frequent flying and skiing.
As a proletarian writer, I do not have those luxuries, but as a
frontier I have the urge to be a correct and cost effective example
to my readers.
Maybe it is not flying or skiing but I have managed to reduce my
personal contribution to carbon dioxide emissions by nearly 99%. I gave
up my girlfriend. Yes, to stop global warming, I found an excellent
proletarian solution.
"You know I love you, but to save the earth, I am giving up the
biggest carbon dioxide emitting thing in my life, and sadly that
is you", I said to her. Her initial response was "What?". The next
thing I remember before getting hospitalized was her bag, which is
full of stuff enough for a plumber to fix Africa's drought problems,
approaching to my left eye.
Making a woman happy is enormously carbon dioxide emitting procedure.
You have to buy gifts, have all sorts of conveniences, be clean,
flowers, calls, dinner at the restaurants and all sorts of useless
things have to be done.
After all these unnecessary capitalist consumer tasks, what you get
is the unmatched, sacred love of a woman. My team Besiktas FC can do
it for 15 euros in 90 minutes without any gifts.
So precautions to stop global warming are done. No girlfriend and
more football.
But yet, this adds up to the problem of football terror. The more
I am away from the girls and close to the patriarchal atmosphere of
football stadiums, the more aggressive I become.
Things are not that bad. I still have "Valley of the Wolves" series
starting tonight to satisfy my lonely ego and mimic a maniac's acts
to remedy my ailing personal character, try to persuade myself that
"Crows fly in groups, hawks fly lonely".
Hmm, you push a button, it pushes other buttons. Not a tree hugging
hippie but an eco friendly girlfriend can be a wise choice.
Even if I fail to correctly solve my involvement in global warming,
I can look to the events from a purple left eye with joy and happiness.
Maybe global warming is not a bad thing at all. The ice caps will melt,
water will rise and hopefully Cyprus problem will be solved.
After Greek Cyprus's EU accession, the road for dialog has been
closed. Since then Turkish diplomats are working twice as hard to
prove Turkey is right.
Flying from country to country, trying to explain the situation to
every other diplomat is a big carbon dioxide emitting procedure. If
the Cyprus problem was solved, Turkey will already be reaching the
1990s emission levels, by just freeing up diplomatic efforts.
But the solution in the near future is unlikely, so the only solution
to the Cyprus problem can be global warming. Slowly they will sink
into the bottom of Mediterranean. Cyprus problem solved, diplomats
freed. But these Greek Cypriots are brilliant people, they can build
an underwater community like Atlantis and continue irritating Turkey.
No luck with this problem either. About Northern Iraq, I have no
idea... Ajdar has been beaten up by another star Alihan, case closed.
Still there is the Armenian problem. I broke up with my girl, football
terror increased, waters rise, Greek Cypriots formed an underwater
community, problem still continues deep under, but how about Armenians?
I am a proud Turkish and after Hrant Dink's murder I have felt the
doubling of this proud. Do not get me wrong! Not because he is dead,
but because thousands of Turks showed the courage to chant "We are
Dink's, we are Armenians".
This is the mercy and courage that Armenians have never expressed
behind the Turkish diplomats killed by Armenian terror organization
ASALA. Especially Diaspora Armenians didn't express any sympathy
for those killed cowardly. Yet Turks show the world that they are
different. This is the premium I got by being Turkish!
But these lines will not solve any problem, on the contrary it will
inflame. A solution to this Armenian-Turkish problem is from Mr Dink
himself. The following lines are from an interview with Hrant Dink
in Turkish. Translation mistakes are due to me.
"We are two diseased nations, Armenians and Turks" he says and
continues:
"Armenians live with a big trauma against Turks and Turks live in
paranoia against Armenians.
We are two clinically diseased cases
Who [What] will cure us?
The decision of the French senate? The decision of the US senate?
Who will give the prescription? Who will be our doctor?
Armenians are the doctors[cure] for the Turks? Turks are the
doctors[cure] for Armenians.
Other than this, there is no doctor, no prescription..
Dialog is the only prescription
Doctors are each others.
There is no solution other than this..."
(Su Catlagini buldu)
Yes, Dink is certainly right. Dialog is the only solution, if we can
build bridges first.
Dialog is a long process and does not happen overnight. With in the
current discussions, the dialog is very unlikely because everyone
knows each others stance. If any dialog is intended, the rule must be
"Rejecting or Accepting genocide should not be discussed".
We have one big conflict and millions of other similarities. Can
Diaspora Armenians start a dialogue by placing their claims to bottom
of the list for subjects to be discussed? Is the glass still half full?
Can the civil society start an initiative? Does it possible for
people believing in dialog in both societies to start initiatives
like a Hrant Dink award for Turkish Armenian Dialog?
There is a long way to go, which needs lots of courage and patience
from both sides. As I demonstrated, I have given up my girlfriend to
save the world. Do the Armenians have this courage?
Journal of Turkish Weekly
Feb 8 2007
I am an optimist. Yes, everything may go horribly wrong, but still
there are plentiful reasons to cheer up. It is always helpful to start
solving problems by thinking that the glass is half full rather than
saying glass is half empty.
Realistically, the prospects for Turkey are not very bright. Cyprus,
Armenians, Dink Murder, Northern Iraq, Ajdar (our megahyperwhatever
popstar see it yourself), football terror and last but not least
climate change are all messing up our hopeful foresights.
But as a Turk, it is hard to beat me. I survive when they think I am
finished. Even sitting silent, I can dream a thousand Vienna sieges.
Do not panic, it is just a joke.
So starting from the bottom of the list, climate change, these are
my solution scenarios.
The first priority is global warming because I want to make sure that
human survival is not at stake, so I and other Turks, Armenians and
Greeks can enjoy another millennium of collective hostility.
Before developing my own solution, I made a quick research on the
net for what to be done. From what I understood so far, we have to
make personal sacrifices to stop global warming.
Some rich columnists promise to give up frequent flying and skiing.
As a proletarian writer, I do not have those luxuries, but as a
frontier I have the urge to be a correct and cost effective example
to my readers.
Maybe it is not flying or skiing but I have managed to reduce my
personal contribution to carbon dioxide emissions by nearly 99%. I gave
up my girlfriend. Yes, to stop global warming, I found an excellent
proletarian solution.
"You know I love you, but to save the earth, I am giving up the
biggest carbon dioxide emitting thing in my life, and sadly that
is you", I said to her. Her initial response was "What?". The next
thing I remember before getting hospitalized was her bag, which is
full of stuff enough for a plumber to fix Africa's drought problems,
approaching to my left eye.
Making a woman happy is enormously carbon dioxide emitting procedure.
You have to buy gifts, have all sorts of conveniences, be clean,
flowers, calls, dinner at the restaurants and all sorts of useless
things have to be done.
After all these unnecessary capitalist consumer tasks, what you get
is the unmatched, sacred love of a woman. My team Besiktas FC can do
it for 15 euros in 90 minutes without any gifts.
So precautions to stop global warming are done. No girlfriend and
more football.
But yet, this adds up to the problem of football terror. The more
I am away from the girls and close to the patriarchal atmosphere of
football stadiums, the more aggressive I become.
Things are not that bad. I still have "Valley of the Wolves" series
starting tonight to satisfy my lonely ego and mimic a maniac's acts
to remedy my ailing personal character, try to persuade myself that
"Crows fly in groups, hawks fly lonely".
Hmm, you push a button, it pushes other buttons. Not a tree hugging
hippie but an eco friendly girlfriend can be a wise choice.
Even if I fail to correctly solve my involvement in global warming,
I can look to the events from a purple left eye with joy and happiness.
Maybe global warming is not a bad thing at all. The ice caps will melt,
water will rise and hopefully Cyprus problem will be solved.
After Greek Cyprus's EU accession, the road for dialog has been
closed. Since then Turkish diplomats are working twice as hard to
prove Turkey is right.
Flying from country to country, trying to explain the situation to
every other diplomat is a big carbon dioxide emitting procedure. If
the Cyprus problem was solved, Turkey will already be reaching the
1990s emission levels, by just freeing up diplomatic efforts.
But the solution in the near future is unlikely, so the only solution
to the Cyprus problem can be global warming. Slowly they will sink
into the bottom of Mediterranean. Cyprus problem solved, diplomats
freed. But these Greek Cypriots are brilliant people, they can build
an underwater community like Atlantis and continue irritating Turkey.
No luck with this problem either. About Northern Iraq, I have no
idea... Ajdar has been beaten up by another star Alihan, case closed.
Still there is the Armenian problem. I broke up with my girl, football
terror increased, waters rise, Greek Cypriots formed an underwater
community, problem still continues deep under, but how about Armenians?
I am a proud Turkish and after Hrant Dink's murder I have felt the
doubling of this proud. Do not get me wrong! Not because he is dead,
but because thousands of Turks showed the courage to chant "We are
Dink's, we are Armenians".
This is the mercy and courage that Armenians have never expressed
behind the Turkish diplomats killed by Armenian terror organization
ASALA. Especially Diaspora Armenians didn't express any sympathy
for those killed cowardly. Yet Turks show the world that they are
different. This is the premium I got by being Turkish!
But these lines will not solve any problem, on the contrary it will
inflame. A solution to this Armenian-Turkish problem is from Mr Dink
himself. The following lines are from an interview with Hrant Dink
in Turkish. Translation mistakes are due to me.
"We are two diseased nations, Armenians and Turks" he says and
continues:
"Armenians live with a big trauma against Turks and Turks live in
paranoia against Armenians.
We are two clinically diseased cases
Who [What] will cure us?
The decision of the French senate? The decision of the US senate?
Who will give the prescription? Who will be our doctor?
Armenians are the doctors[cure] for the Turks? Turks are the
doctors[cure] for Armenians.
Other than this, there is no doctor, no prescription..
Dialog is the only prescription
Doctors are each others.
There is no solution other than this..."
(Su Catlagini buldu)
Yes, Dink is certainly right. Dialog is the only solution, if we can
build bridges first.
Dialog is a long process and does not happen overnight. With in the
current discussions, the dialog is very unlikely because everyone
knows each others stance. If any dialog is intended, the rule must be
"Rejecting or Accepting genocide should not be discussed".
We have one big conflict and millions of other similarities. Can
Diaspora Armenians start a dialogue by placing their claims to bottom
of the list for subjects to be discussed? Is the glass still half full?
Can the civil society start an initiative? Does it possible for
people believing in dialog in both societies to start initiatives
like a Hrant Dink award for Turkish Armenian Dialog?
There is a long way to go, which needs lots of courage and patience
from both sides. As I demonstrated, I have given up my girlfriend to
save the world. Do the Armenians have this courage?